Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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