maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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