how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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