After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
