Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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