I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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