ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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