it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
