Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
