In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is classic penis vs brain.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
