Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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