I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize