Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
