We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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