im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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