You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize