worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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