her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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