whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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