even my farts smell like vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
how does that bad decision feel?
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