hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I touched a dick in church today
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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