Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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