Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
