uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
