Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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