she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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