drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
