So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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