i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
