I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
