Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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