I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
