And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
