Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
