My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
