Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
