my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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