i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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