how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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