I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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