i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
