yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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