You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
