I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
