i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
