This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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