Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
