I cut my penus on the lid.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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