you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I supernannyed him into submission
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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