From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
