She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
