Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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