I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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