i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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