i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
