Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
