my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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