Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
