i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
