I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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