HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
