chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
