You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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