Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
