so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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