We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
